Tuesday, November 30, 2010

It's Beginning to Sound a Lot Like Christmas....

The Big Ballerina has a very short Christmas list. The main item on her list is an electric scooter. Being a mom. And a woman. Or in other words. A normal-thinking human. It is obvious to me that Santa will leave an electric scooter under the tree this year.

Enter BSD. The dad. A man. Or in other words. A backwards-thinking human.

The setting: Lunch at our favorite sushi restaurant today.

"BB wants an electric scooter for Christmas. It's the only real gift on her list," I report.

"Santa can't just give BB a scooter. He has to bring one for LB also. You know LB will use it without asking if she doesn't have one too," BSD reasons.

"This is true. But, if LB gets her own, she's likely to take off to North Carolina on it. Giving her something with that much potential for freedom is hazardous to her health and mine," I counter back.

"No, LB will have to have one too. Maybe Santa shouldn't get them scooters. Besides I'm going to get them something else anyway."

As soon as the words escape his lips, he knows he's hosed.

"What? What are you talking about?! What?!? What are you planning to get them?!?!" I begin tearing into him like a dog with a new bone.

"Nothing. Forget I said anything. It's not a big deal," he sighs, trying to back himself out of his corner.

"No. What are you getting them? What is it?! It's not another sewing machine is it?!?" I gnaw a little more.

Laughing, BSD replies, "No. It's not a sewing machine."

"What? What is it?! It better not be a dog. Or some other crazy idea that I'm going to have to take care of!" grr. grrr. grrrr.

More laughter, "It's not a dog. It's not a snake. It's nothing motorized," he assures me.

And then he pauses.

"It's a boat! You're getting them a boat?!?" The man forgot that I'm a witch. I know things.

Staring at me in disbelief, he confesses. "OK..it's a kayak. But it's not a big one. It's not expensive. WHY did I even open my mouth?"

Deja-vu to last Christmas again. The same words he spoke about the sorry sewing machine he bought last year.

"Actually, I'm getting two. One for BB and one for LB. We need two," he continues. There's that same logic again.

I shake my head. How can he think this is a good idea?

"But they didn't ASK for kayaks. And they can't use them until the summer. At least they can use the scooter right away. Not to mention that BB ASKED for a scooter! Get them the kayaks for their birthdays in March when they can start using them!" I continue chewing on his ass my bone.

"Let's just tell Santa to bring them both the scooters and the kayaks," he declares.

"What??!! That's too much! They don't need all that. Save the kayaks for their birthdays. It's perfect for their birthdays."

"No. Santa is bringing them kayaks. Christmas is for kids. It's supposed to be magical. And full of presents," he begins to preach.

I sit quietly as he pays the lunch tab, and continues to wax poetic about the wonders of the season.

OK, Father Christmas. Get your kayaks. But Santa will not be bringing any scooters. We'll see how excited the ballerinas are on Christmas morning. When you explain that they can't take them down to the beach until May!

P.S. - Thank you for the sweet comments regarding my mom. She is still in the hospital. It's bad. It's not going to get better. But she's hanging in there as best as she can.


Jess said...

yup, that sounds like Christmas to me!!!! kayacks might be fun in the snow..or not. it's not easy being Santa!!!

lots of prayers for your mom...and lots of hugs for you.

Corey Schwartz said...

Oh, God, I remember the sewing machine post! (It was hilarious!) Was that a year ago? Wow, crazy.

kristine said...

seriously! where do men come from!? hilarious!!!

serialswooper.com said...

Men. (rolls eyes)

Hugs for you about your Mom. Rough anytime but particularly cruel this time of year. I'm truly sorry.

My Interior Life said...

Men are nuts.

I'm so sorry about your mom. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Stacey said...

Prayers for your mom. That's so difficult to go through. (hugs)

As far as the scooter v. kayak conundrum...If BB asked for a scooter...is she the type that at 25 will say, "Remember that Christmas I asked for a scooter..." ;)

sloan said...

dear god, you mean i'm not alone in dealing with this crazy male mentality?! Sounds JUST like one of my own conversations about gifting for our own little ladies, too funny! What is it with men?? ... *sigh* ...

And, btw, yes that was my FIL in the turkey carving pic ... and yes, I've been wearing my boots every day for a week - including Th'giving Day and including right this very moment too - they give you superpowers, I swear!

... will continue to pray for you and your mom, hope you're holding up ...

{Amy} said...

men? geeeeez. definitely from another planet at times. i'm sorry to hear about your mom, thinking of you!

Cathy M~(checkitoff) said...

This is why Christmas is stressful!! My husband got the kids a 1970's snowmobile last year! I say it is vintage (but really it is OLD!) At least my kids could use it in the winter! I totally am with you on this one!

I am sorry about your Mom. Very tough on you. Glad you are able to be there for her. Will keep you in my prayers. hugs, Cathy

gabe said...

I thought it was only me that was married to Father Christmas. Most of my friends just go shopping and the dad could care less. . .but, we have to make Christmas a discussion ever year!. . .

Then we are left to pick up the pieces of the kids psyche's!

Bridget said...

Teehee, can't wait to see how this pans out!! psst...if you get the scooter(s), yeah, be careful if the ballerinas talk you into trying them out...not that I've ever face planted off of one or anything...;)

prayers for your Mom and {hugs} for you and your family!

Dani said...


And you are right. ;-)

Jen said...

Oh Joy!
Why doesn't he just get himself 2 kayaks...and get them the scooters!
Silly Men!

Kyria said...

Ug. Men do not make ANY SENSE!!