Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I've Cried Ten Times So Far Today...

I cried four times at the dentist's office this morning.

1) The Little Ballerina was getting her first filling. She freaked out after her tooth started going numb. She made it through the novocaine shot. The HARD part. And then she wouldn't go any further. The dentist coaxed and coaxed. Finally, she said she had to refer LB to a pediatric dentist instead.

So, I cried. Tears of frustration.

2) I cried because LB couldn't see that she was going to have to go through the HARD part all over again. At a place where they strap you down. Have a million patients in a big open space. Yet they have no patience.

We walked out of the office. LB clinging to her beloved bumpers. Me, walking briskly in front. Mad, irritated, frustrated. She asked why I was so mad. I told her about her upcoming fate. That I didn't want to go to that place. She stopped. Walked back inside, by herself, and told them she would try again.

So, I cried. Tears of relief.

3) While waiting for her, a woman in her 30's or 40's walked in trembling. She shared her xrays with the dental assistants. She said she was told she had to have all of her teeth extracted. They were rotting, breaking. They were infected. She couldn't eat. She was scared. She didn't have a lot of money. She didn't want to be without teeth. It was going to cost $875 at the "affordable denture" office.

So, I cried. Tears of empathy.

At that moment, I wished I had an extra $1000 to write her a check. To tell her to jump into the chair as soon as LB was done and get her teeth fixed. "Get it over with. Don't wait any longer. It will only get worse. You'll have to do it anyway. Get it over with." The same words I had just spoken to LB, I wanted to speak to her. I wanted to take her pain away.

4) A few minutes later, LB emerged from the room. She did it. She was elated. The dentist was elated. The assistant was elated. I was elated. She pushed through it. She conquered her fear. Her stubbornness. I knew it was going to be ok. She would not leave there today with a compounding fear of the dentist.

So, I cried. Tears of pride.

6)Backing up a bit to early this morning, I found out that a mom on my street died yesterday. She had a heart attack on Thursday and didn't make it.

So, I cried. Tears of shock.

7) She was in her 40's. She was fit. She was healthy.

So, I cried. Tears of fear.

8) Her husband had just survived an unsurvivable heart attack last year. Things were finally getting back on track. And now this.

So, I cried. Tears of incomprehension.

9) She has a daughter in 8th grade. A son just off to his first year of college.

So, I cried. Tears of overwhelming sadness. For children without a mother. For a mother who will miss out on her children.

10) Sitting here writing this...

I cried. Tears of selfish gratitude.

That the worst thing my family had to face today was a cavity.

19 comments:

Jill said...

Wow, what an emotional day! Now i'm crying too. The Mom who had the heart attack, my heart goes out to the family. So very tragic, and no dental insurance that poor woman. I will keep them all in my prayers, and prayers for you for better days and happier news! :-)
Blessings,
Jill

gabe said...

oh kim. . .what a day!! I've been there with you at the DR/Dentist when you are just so very frustrated!

So sorry about the family on your street. . .those poor kids!

Hoping things begin to look up for you!

Kimberly {Yep, they are all mine} said...

Oh, Kim, now I'm crying, too. What a day...I am so sorry :(

Nell said...

Such an emotional post. You must be so proud of your baby. She's so brave and awesome for turning round and heading back in there! I'm so sorry about the sad news though. That's so shocking. Don't feel bad for being grateful for the good things in your life though. These things make us appreciate even more what good we have in our lives, and there's nothing wrong with that. xx

sloan said...

emotional roller coaster today, geez ... love the way you wrote this, it's beautiful ... made ME cry ;-)

Thanks for sharing - it was a good dose of perspective for me - I needed that today ...

Corey Schwartz said...

OMG, I need a tissue. Jordan had a traumatic experience at the dentist when she was four and never got over it. Now every visit is a nightmare. So sad about your neighbor.

Lisa @ lists in my pocket said...

What a beautiful post Kim!

Bridget said...

Wow. Just wow. So glad that Little Ballerina faced her fears and so sorry about your neighbor. I'll say prayers for her family and for you

Dani said...

This is so powerful.

Especially that ending. How true. Our biggest problems tend to be so minor in comparison to others.

**hugs**

Cindy said...

So true that sometimes it is others pain and sorrow that causes us to truly appreciate and recognize our own blessings.
Good for you for acknowledging that and good for your for feeling so deeply for those around you.
Sorry for your day.
Praying that today is better

mandy said...

oh sweetie...

i wish i could give you a big hug and wipe away those tears

you are not selfish.

you are a woman who fiercely loves her children and is grateful for life.

i had a similar sad perspective moment yesterday as well; overwhelmed by feeling my nuclear family has so much or too much compared to someone in our family going through a very hard time.

i'm sending you a huge hug right now.

xoxo

My Interior Life said...

Such an emotional day, and you wrote about it so eloquently. I went through something similar yesterday that put my day/life in perspective when I found a little girl at our pre-school was undergoing surgery to remove a cancerous tumor. We all need reminders that life is precious.

Jess said...

wow Kim...what an emotional post...thank you for this,looks like so many can relate....we are counting our blessings here after losing our beloved neighbor...this life of ours is a crazy thing....so PROUD of Little Ballerina!!! Hugs to you!!

Kelly said...

I think it's healthy to cry, I cry quite a bit myself.

Miss Sew & So said...

oh you are a wonderful incredible loving mama and woman....i too, would have cried with you at each and every moment you did...

what a day...what a tale that saw you through it all...sometimes thats all there is for it...tears of all kinds as you say...

wonderful post miss.kim my friend...x

melissa xox

knack said...

wow.....what a day you have had! Your words are so beautiful and well written....

....life is pain....and that is so hard to grasp sometimes...

xo

Anonymous said...

You know Kim ... I have always loved you for the person you are!! full of compassion -- your post made me cry!! and honestly, I too have felt guilty -- for being selfish for the worst thing that happens to my family -- so many others have it much worst!

Sue R

Claudie Samuel said...

That day was really an emotional day for you Kim. You've been through a lot just for that day and I'm glad how you faced them all. Crying is not a bad thing actually especially when you really feel bad, it's a nice way of releasing all the pain that we feel.

Well anyways, just recently my daughter and I went to Aiken dental office to check her teeth for cavities. While we were there in Aiken, dentist found cavities in my daughter and it made me sad too. But thank God my daughter is brave enough to have her teeth cleaned and fixed. Two thumbs up for her!

{Amy} said...

oh kim, i can so relate tot his post. wow. we just had a horrible experience at the dentist where i bawled and bawled and could not stop. it was not even my appt, it was wyatt's. it was so bad the dentist called me at home later to see how i was doing. i should have been embarrassed but i wasn't. i felt like a horrible mom and wish i could have put a brave face on for my child.
it's so true, our problems are small in comparison...everyone is having a hard time with something, somewhere..but you know that. i know this is an old post, but hugs to you anyway!